


Bitter Sweet

by kittynightterrors



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Gen, Suicide, Terminal Illnesses, tw:cc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 01:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14727782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittynightterrors/pseuds/kittynightterrors
Summary: Aleks starts to feel tired, more so than usual, but he swears everything is alright.





	Bitter Sweet

Having a fear of doctors and hospitals was silly, especially when you are an adult, but Aleks really hated to go. It was the most uncomfortable experience in his life every time he had to walk through the sliding doors. Everyone around him was coughing or sneezing; had something contagious or was just bleeding. Ironic that he hated blood and vomit so much considering he was a part of a channel that was somewhere between FunHaus and Jackass. He only went to the doctor if something was broken or Brett dragged him out of the office kicking and screaming. Because of this, Aleks never took anything that happened to him seriously, and would always fight whenever a coworker would even suggest he needed to see a doctor. Some oj and Theraflu always fixed him right up. 

He was not routinely sick, usually it was all seasonal, allergies and all that. What he really was, was tired. Had always been tired, but suddenly he started to be extra tired. More naps than usual, especially during lunch breaks. Any time he could slip in a few minutes of sleep were much needed, even if the sleep didn’t actually do anything. His tiredness soon became pure exhaustion and it was wearing on his nerves. The smallest things made him want to just lie down, like playing with Mishka or checking twitter. This new found exhaustion caused him to quit streaming for a while; not that it mattered since he didn't have a strict schedule. It wasn't the fans' reactions he was worried about, they would harass him a bit, but what was new. 

Work started to become so demanding, and he tried so hard to just play it off like he was stoned or something, but people were starting to notice. There was always an extra energy drink in the fridge for him, the editing work was handed off to Asher, and they kept telling him to go home early. It was nice, but not having as much work was maddening. All he wanted was for people to just act normal around him. Whatever was going on would eventually fix itself. He knew it would. Still, his co-workers tried not to overwork him. Eventually, after a, probably too long, nap in Brett’s office, Lindsey pulled him aside.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” 

Of course he was, he was just tired. The seasonal change was probably screwing with him. Or work. Something. Sure, he had started to sweat at night, but nothing was actually wrong. At least, that’s what he constantly told himself. He was okay. He would get over it or he would just pop some Adderall to be just a bit more awake. He was going to be okay. It was obvious that the woman didn’t really believe him, but she gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder and just told him to take it easy. She suggested that maybe he needed a small stay-cation. Aleks wouldn’t take the time off, but he appreciated the concern. Really. He was fine, and being treated like anything less than that was not going to make him feel better.  

It wasn’t long before the tiredness came with another side effect. His jeans were suddenly looser, by about another size. He was celebrating only slightly because his pudge did not seem to go away. The weight was definitely gone though. It had to do with the lack of sleep, he was sure of it. He wasn’t eating like he used too, but that just happens when you’re tired. You just think about sleep, nothing else. Once he got his sleep schedule back on track his weight would even out. That’s what he kept telling himself, everything would fix itself. When he went into work, his friends gave him thinly veiled compliments, concern obvious in their words. He just smiled and kept it pushing. Noting was wrong. Pale and skinny, just like he used to be. Nothing bad. Maybe he did need a break.

The weight loss and exhaustion led to something else, something Aleks desperately tried to hide from everyone. His legs were bruised, from what he had no idea, but there they were in all their yellow and purple glory. Thankfully no one questioned him wearing jean, he just had to be careful with rough housing in videos. He sat out most of their Amazon videos now, tagging in Jakob to take over for him and promising him whatever stupid shit he wanted. He used the fans as an excuse, saying that they wanted more of the B team in videos. It was the truth, but he just didn’t want to admit to needing to not throw shit at James. He had to takes things slow for a bit. That’s all.

He managed whatever was happening to him pretty decently, at least he thought he had been. His friends started to just leave him alone, let him show up to work, then fuck off after. James and Lindsey always called, Jakob and Asher brought him food, but that was all they did. At least, that was until Brett came back from wherever he had fucked off to. Aleks knew he was back way too soon, and figured his friends had snitched on him. He was preparing this whole big speech for Brett, about how he was totally fine, when he felt something wet fall on his hand. Looking down and seeing blood against his very white skin really freaked him out. He reached up and wiped at his nose only to pull his hand back to see it very bloody. Maybe he wasn’t okay after all.

Brett was in his face within seconds, and Aleks was prepared to get yelled at. He should have taken care of himself. Instead he heard his friend’s very gentle voice talking to him, coaxing him to stand up and walk with him. He wanted to focus more on what Brett said, he really did, but every time he glanced down at his bloody hand he felt his heart in his throat. When had he become so pale? Had he really not noticed? The stark contrast between crimson and white made him queasy and he clutched onto his boss’ arm as hard as he could. He couldn’t puke, not over this. 

He was lead out to the car, and he was put in the vehicle like a child incapable of buckling themselves. It was a bit of a relief though when the door was shut, giving him a place to rest his head. He closed his eyes for a moment before something soft being gently pressed against his nose. He looked to Brett then took the hint, holding the man’s shirt against his face. There was a gentle nod from him before he caught a glimpse of himself in the side mirror. He looked like absolute hell. He could hear Brett fuss as they took off to whatever medical facility the older man deemed fit. Aleks just tuned it all out before falling asleep against the window. 

The car shutting off woke Aleks up and he looked around, noticing that they were at a doctor’s office. There was a small grunt from him, but that was the only form of protest he could put up. He was just too fucking tired. The door was opened and he almost fell out of the car before Brett caught him. The walk to the front door felt way too long, since he was practically being dragged across the parking lot. His feet felt like lead and it was hard to breathe. He could feel Brett gently playing with his hair, trying to be encouraging, but he knew the man was scared. If Aleks wasn’t actually fighting to go tot the doctor, there was obviously something very wrong. 

He got settled in the corner of a lobby and just rested against the dirty walls as Brett raised hell at the front of the office. Something about bruises and bleeding, something about being tired. He could tell there was something urgent in Brett’s voice, but for his own sake Aleks had to tune him out. He was not going to hear whatever was being said. Not right now. Not until he had to. And had to came much sooner than he expected. Apparently Brett giving the nurses shit meant he was almost immediately brought to the back. Everything was mostly routine; shirt up, breathe, flash light in the eyes, thing in his ear. However, when the doctor said they need to take blood, Aleks put his foot down. 

“Sir, we really need a blood sample.” The doctor was gentle.

“And I need you to blow me.” Aleks was anything but. The doctor put his hands up and walked out of the room. Score one for Aleks. Kind of. Because Brett walked in shortly after the doctor left and he wanted to argue, but was instead pulled into a too gentle hug. He was getting petted again and it was too much; this suddenly sappy attitude. 

“Please stop…” 

“Only if you get your blood drawn.” That was a command, not a request and Aleks just slumped his shoulders. He gave a nod and just sat defeated on the table as Brett went to get the doctor. A nurse came in a moment later and told him to follow, but Aleks just held onto the older man’s hand, refusing to get up. When given permission for the other man to come, he slowly slid off of the table and walked down the hall with the nurse. It was the most anxiety inducing hallway he had ever been in. He wanted to just run away, but Brett was a massive wall behind him, stopping any escape plans he may have had. The lady was nice enough, offering him a chair before she started to unwrap all the horrifying utensils she needed to draw blood. His leg started to bounce anxiously as he felt the rubber band get tied around his upper arm. It hurt from how tight it was and he wanted to bitch at the woman, but he would rather waste energy on stress relief. 

“Relax and breathe.” Easier said than done. He took a deep breath and swore he could feel the needle tearing his flesh. He pressed his face into Brett’s shoulder and tried to think about anything else. Something besides blood leaving his arm at an alarming rate. Then there was Brett’s large hand on his head, petting him even though he had been told not to. This time Aleks didn’t put up a fight, just accepted that maybe he needed it. He needed to be reassured about whatever was happening. It felt awful, and even worse it made him even more exhausted than he had been. He just wanted this shit to stop. 

Before long the nurse pulled the needle out of his arm and bandaged him up. She was telling him how to care for the wound since he was bleeding a lot, but he was half paying attention. He knew Brett heard every word though. They were led back to the room and told to wait for the doctor. He looked at the table he should be sitting on then looked to Brett who was waiting on him. He gave a pathetic push against the older man, wanting him to sit in one of the chairs. Once seated, Aleks sat on Brett’s lap and leaned heavily against him, his head resting against his shoulder. He was so close to sleep when the doctor walked in. He was helped onto the table by his friend and looked down at his knees. 

“Can I go home now?” The question was greeted by a gentle hand on his knee, but it wasn’t a familiar one. He looked to the doctor and could feel a panic begin to set in. 

“We need to get a biopsy done, send the blood off to the labs. Just to confirm what I think it is. The biopsy can be done here, we can get it done within the next couple of hours. From the symptoms your friend has described, I’m going to refer you to a specialist. He will get all the results soon, and we’ll have you another appointment as soon as possible.”

Aleks heard about half of that, he didn’t want to hear that. Specialist, biopsy; these were all things that sounded like he was really sick. He wasn’t that sick, he couldn’t be. He gently pushed the doctor’s hand off his knee and looked to Brett, pleading silently to make the man shut up. Unfortunately, Brett wasn’t going to stop him. It was too serious, Aleks could tell from how his friend looked. He swallowed and started to fidget with his jeans. 

“What’s wrong with me?” There was a long silence and all Aleks wanted to do was scream. This wasn’t the time to be treated like a child. He could handle whatever is wrong with him. 

“I believe you may have leukemia.” Okay, maybe he couldn’t handle that. Aleks got off of the table and went for the door, only to have Brett’s massive body in his way. He pushed and pleaded with Brett to move, to take him to another doctor cause clearly this guy didn’t know what was going on. He was immediately wrapped up in the man’s arms and just held there. There were tears in his eyes and he wanted so badly to just disappear. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Brett walked him over to the chair and let him sit back in his lap as the doctor moved closer to him. 

“I can’t say for sure, that’s why I want to do a biopsy on your hip. But if it is…that then it seems very aggressive.” 

“Am I going to live?”

The silence that over took the room was deafening, Brett’s grip on him was too tight, his breathing was too fast. Everything was too much for Aleks, but he had to know. Did he royally fuck himself?

“ _If_ it is leukemia _and_ depending on the kind, the rates are good. However, some types are very serious. Given your age, you could be fine. However, I’m not going to guarantee anything.” 

* * *

Three months. That’s what Aleks had left to live. Trying to cope was hard, but that was all he could do anymore. He quit Cow Chop, quit streaming. Quit everything. When his friends weren’t at work they were all crowded in his apartment, trying to spend as much time as possible with him. It was nice and awful at the same time. He hated seeing everyone so sad. It made what little bit of time he had left miserable. Mishka and Celia were given to James and Brett was handling the rest of his finances and legal bullshit. 

He knew he wasn’t going to go the three months. It was too long and existing was so fucking hard for him to do anymore. He had a talk with his doctor about this whole “Dying with Dignity” thing that had been passed in California. It was for terminally ill people who did not want to waste away. And that was exactly what Aleks was. He couldn’t take the exhaustion every fucking day, the constant bleeding and bruising. He wanted it all to stop. 

Telling the Cow Chop family that he was going to end his own life was hard. James did not take well to it, still hopelessly believing that the doctor was wrong. That clearly all of this was some fucked, cruel joke. Jakob and Asher were confused, but okay with it. Lindsey and Brett understood and were taking him back and forth to the doctor, to the support meetings, to the form signings. It was hard on them, Aleks could tell, but he couldn’t be more appreciative. 

A month into his hell and he knew he was ready. Brett picked him up and took him to see his doctor one last time. They went over the procedure. The pills got broken up and poured into something for him to ingest. Then he would slip into a coma before passing away. It took all of thirty five minutes for his life to be over. He could do this wherever he felt most comfortable, with whoever was comfortable with the act. 

He was given his bottle of pills and then driven home. He set the bottle on his counter and sat on his couch, staring. He wanted Brett with him, James and everyone else too. But could he really ask them to watch him end his own life? It was peaceful, this wasn’t a typical suicide, but still. It felt selfish to ask of them. But he didn’t want to pussy out either. The longer he waited the sooner his own natural death would come. If he wasn’t going to beat the cancer, he was at least going to beat it to killing him.

He reached for his phone and sent Brett a message, knowing he would come. He couldn’t ask anyone else to do this. It was just too much. He laid out on his couch and waited for his friend to show up. A few hours later and his apartment was full of all of his friends and his pets. There was a definite air of discomfort in the room, but everyone waved off his protests. They said he needed his family there, and he really did. Brett gave him the bottle of pills and the glass of water. The doctor told them to let Aleks do everything, so if he wanted to back out he could. 

The tears rolled down his face as he broke open the pills one by one, counting each one until the hundredth was cracked open. He looked from his glass and studied each one of his friends’ faces. James was watching him while holding onto Ein like a lifeline. Asher just gave a small nod of understanding and went to comfort Jakob. Lindsey and Brett sat on either side of him, hugging him lovingly like they were his parents. Trevor was in the kitchen, there but not able to watch what was happening. 

Aleks mixed up the powder and water then took a deep breath before he sipped the liquid. It was bitter, but he choked it all down. In his head he started to count to himself, just to give him something to do. He felt a weight in his lap then fur on his face, his hands coming to rest gently on Mishka’s face as she settled in against him. As he scanned the room one last time he could feel his eyes getting heavy. He was close, he knew it. 

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Them Week over on [tumblr](http://kittynightterrors.tumblr.com/post/174135085151/bitter-sweet). It's Make Me Cry Monday, and boy howdy.


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